I had a meltdown.
Let’s call it a culmination of numerous factors which led to the meltdown. Grief can be like an exposed nerve root. We can try to keep it covered and padded by layers and layers of protection but at some point and time, that root is going to get bumped and send your emotions into a tail spin.
For the rest of our lives, grief will be part of us. We all have triggers. They may be topics we have dealt with for years before our loss or they may be all new subjects or situations that arise. Whichever the case, our reactions will be determined by how hard that exposed root is hit as well as where we are emotionally, physically, and spiritually at that moment of exposure. The more vulnerable we are, the harsher or more dramatic the reaction.
Lately, my sleep has been disturbed. My body is uncomfortable due to some minor but very irritating issues. My emotions are on edge as I begin to blog and open myself up to the world, so to speak. Along with the blog, we are taking some next steps to make Hope House a reality. Life is busy and full and most of the time pretty good. But the other day, my nerve root was exposed and got hit hard and I over reacted to something that normally would have bothered me but not caused an extended meltdown and crying jag.
So what do we do when our vulnerable places are exposed and bombarded with emotions? What do we do when our reactions are more dramatic or over the top compared to ‘normal’? We can beat ourselves up about it and let it haul us in to the depths of self-loathing and self-judgement or we can learn from it and hope to react differently or less over the top the next time an exposure occurs. Because chances are, it will happen again.
Today, I choose to forgive myself for overreacting. I choose to not be disgusted with myself for the vulnerable pieces of my emotional make up. They are part of me. Those vulnerable parts help me be a more compassionate person most of the time.
Today, I choose to see the possibility of a better day. I will get up, live my life, and look for ways to give of myself and help those around me. I will continue to reach out and try to spread hope to those who find themselves in a place where hope is difficult to find. I am loved at my darkest moments and I will let others know they are as well.